Not sure where else to write, so I decided to fill this space up with something a little more inspiring.

I'm so tired of trying to get some people to like me. I really am. I go out of my way to be nice to certain people, but get nothing in return, aside for feeling shitty about myself for allowing myself to be used in such a way. I'm like a matt on the front of someone's doorstep. or I'm like the person people use so that they can hear compliments about themselves. I'm not going to do this shit anymore, honestly. I'm not going to pretend I like what someone does or seem apathetic. I'm going to be 20 years old not very long from now and I'm an adult, I'm independent, I have my own goals, wishes, and dreams, and no one is going to fucking stop me, piss me off, deter me, or whatever. Not my family or my 'friends' or anyone else. I'm tired of people putting me down for no reason, other then to probably make themselves feel better. If someone wants to apologize, then fine, so be it, I'll probably forgive you. But I'm not going to pretend like nothing happened anymore. You can seek me out and say sorry to me. Otherwise, it's done. And I really don't care. There are millions of people in the world who are better then you and everyone is disposable.

It's so strange that a year has passed since I left HS. And the years are just going to fly. I listened to this song once by Jacques Brel, at the beginning of the song it was about Jacques himself with a young woman. And it seemed like time would last forever when they were young. As the song progressed, they got 'older', and the song got faster, until the words were almost indistinguishable. It was pretty intense but the truth of the matter is time goes so slowly when you're little, it seems like you've got all the time in the world. As you get older it goes faster and faster. This year came and went like nothing. Maybe it's because I was under so much stress and so many painful things happened that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. I thought 2008-09 would be the best year of my life. In fact it was one of the most horrible. But I'm so trying to move into my future.

I really want to go to an art school in New York. I miss my home. I really fucking do. Either that, or it's lol Philadelphia for me. At least philly is a little more exciting then this rural shit.

in the meanwhile, I don't think I'll work during the school year. I want to focus on my drawings. I want to focus on my writing. I really like working but it takes all my energy out of me, and I've realized it makes it damn well near impossible to draw when I have a job and I'm working a lot of hours. I want to finish my first book this year, and start a new one. I'm still planning for my trip. I think I'm going to try to sell prints at an anime con and I'm working on a new drawing. So I think I'll work for maybe the first 2-3 months of school and then quit

Thanks to all my lovely supporters on here, you guys make my life a little more bearable <3